Alan Harper

	What are you doing here? And how'd you get in?"
Alan to Jake

Dr. Alan Jerome Harper, DC, is a character from the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. Portrayed by Jon Cryer, Alan is the hapless biological father of Jake Harper, possible father of Milly Melnick, roommate and best friend of Walden Schmidt and the surviving younger brother of Charlie Harper. He is cheap at all times, due to the alimony and child support he has to pay. After former co-star Charlie Sheen's departure from the series, Cryer's character has since become the show's central character, mainly due to the show's retooled plot.

Biography

Season 1 Alan used to be married to Judith, who is the mother of their son Jake, then Judith divorced Alan. The divorce was hard on Alan, He lost almost all of his possessions and got stuck with paying her $3875 monthly alimony.

Alan drives a Volvo station wagon and runs his own chiropractic care clinic out in the San Fernando Valley (even winning The San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Award more than once), though he gets irritated when people point out he is not a medical doctor. Alan wanted to be a M.D., but the only school he could afford was one in Mexico.

Season 2

While he loves his brother and son, Alan harbors a degree of resentment towards Charlie since money and women just seem to fall into his lap, while Alan, who has worked hard his entire life, remains a failure, and has yet to reap such rewards. He seems to have little faith in Jake due to his lazy and unmotivated attitude.

Season 3

Alan's second wife, Kandi (April Bowlby), was one of Charlie's old girlfriends. She's known for being so incredibly stupid that she makes Jake look like an intellectual—along with a lot of the other bimbos Charlie beds. Her mother said she inherited that stupidity from her "moron" father. She tends to date only older men as she may have some father issues.

Season 4

Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony until she got remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes), Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), which meant Alan didn't have to pay her alimony anymore. Alan was over the moon, even pushing them to get together. They are good friends and he is even closer to Charlie and Alan than to her.

In the divorce, Kandi received Alan's condo which they bought with the casino winnings they earned right after their impromptu Las Vegas wedding.

Season 5

Alan lives in the guest room of Charlie's Malibu Beach House. He did not pay any rent for the first 5 years, 2 months and 11 days that he was living there, since nearly every cent he had went towards alimony and taking care of Jake; when Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to fork over some money to Charlie everymonth, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him.

Season 6

Alan and Judith have sex right before  Judith and Herb did, Judith got pregnant with one or the other's child. Although there has been hints of it being Alan's and not Herb's, nobody actually knows her real father. Charlie once pointed out that she could even not be either of their's. 

Season 7

TBA

Season 8

TBA

Season 9

After Charlie's death and funeral in Season 9, Alan was extremely saddened and lonely. He shares a heartfelt goodbye to Charlie's cremated remains, expressing his love for him and appreciation for letting Jake and him live there for the past 8 years. He was going to scatter his ashes along the beach until Walden's sudden appearance startled him, causing him to accidentally throw the urn containing Charlie's ashes into the air, scattering Charie's remains all over the living room. As he is unable to afford the beach house, Alan reluctantly sells the house to Walden, Alan and Jake continued to live the house permanently, which has been their home for eight years; he is considered by Walden to be his best friend. He continues to be Walden's guide into the world of dating and, well... basically everything else he hasn't done that an average joe does. Although he is genuinely Walden's best friend, caring deeply for him (sometimes to the point of implied homosexuality), Alan has an ulterior motive: keep Walden in the house and paying for it so he doesn't end up homeless or having to live with Evelyn. He intends on spending the rest of his life living with Walden, further implying that Alan harbors some sort of feelings for him, but it is quite established that Walden and Alan are both straight.

However, his repressed grief over losing his only brother eventually gets the better of him causing him to go insane believing himself to be Charlie. This is spurred by the desire to live the life his brother had and as a way to try to keep his brother "alive". After spending 28 days in a rehab center and Walden remodels his deceased brother's beach house, Alan sadly realizes that Charlie is really gone and he no longer has a reason to stay in his late brother's beach house. Walden assures him that he still belongs there and Alan continues to stay in Charlie's (now Walden & Alan's) beach house.

Season 10

Alan and Lyndsey get engaged; Kandi comes back to reconcile with Alan, but is turned down; and Lyndsey calls off the wedding when the spark is gone in their relationship.

Season 11

Alan's long-lost niece comes to town and moves in with him and Walden. In the first episode of the season, it is revealed that Alan's clinic went out of business due to his financial woes, therefore leaving him unemployed. However, he had to fake his own death to get out of paying the back-rent he couldn't afford to pay.

Relationships

Judith Harper-Melnick

Main article: Alan and Judith

Alan's first wife and the mother of Jake is Judith. She is generally portrayed as humorless, bitter and hypocritical. Judith told Alan that the reason they were separating was because it wasn't working out, but then later told Alan that she had realized she was a lesbian...only to change her mind again later. Rumor has it the show was going to use the "my wife left me for another woman" theme, but the audiences voted against it.

Alan and Judith met as teenagers at school and married at a young age. During the separation Alan desperately tried to get back with Judith, as he was seeming to think that they were getting along again, but it turned out that Judith was only using Alan to do her chores. Judith takes every chance she gets to humiliate Alan, even though it is sometimes clear that Alan and Judith still have feelings for each other; in a Season 5 episode, Alan begins dating a divorced woman who is friends with him and Judith but keeps having visions of Judith and Herb making love, leading his date to say that he's not over Judith. Alan and Judith dated once more after the divorce, but kept failing to get intimate because of Jake interrupting at the wrong time, causing Alan to have to hide. When they finally do get a chance to get intimate, Alan becomes upset afterwards because Judith has learned some new moves in bed since the divorce. Alan starts another fight with her when Jake starts to walk into the room, causing Alan to jump out of the second story window and land in a thorn bush. When Alan gets home he then realizes why he and Judith do not need to be together because it is always constant fighting.

During the divorce proceedings, Alan nearly lost all of his possessions due to Charlie sleeping with his attorney (Heather Locklear) and then breaking up with her, forcing him to fire her before the settlement could be finalized and find a new lawyer. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth as a Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan.

In Season 6, Judith threw Herb out of their house and later slept with Alan, but their reconciliation ended when Alan realized Judith hadn't changed from the angry, irrational person who had divorced him. Judith later told Alan that she and Herb were expecting another child, leaving a horrified Alan to calculate whether or not he is, in fact, the biological father. Alan spent some time researching and trying to see if he was the father or Herb, when he tried to talk to Judith about she irrationally denied she and Alan ever slept together and threated to blow his brains out if he told Herb.

Over the course of the show emenimty between Alan and Judith has increased dramatically.

Kandi

Alan's second wife, Kandi, was one of Charlie's old girlfriends, who Charlie originally dated as a backup in case something went wrong between him and his girlfriend Mia. When Kandi came looking for Charlie, she met Alan, and they fell in love. They married, but divorced later, because Alan didn't want any children. When Alan decided that he wanted to have children with Kandi they had not officially signed their divorce papers. Kandi then heard that she had a main role on a TV series, called Stiffs, and said that "nobody wants to see a pregnant "fornesic" scientist" before signing the papers that ended their marriage. Their married life was never shown in episodes, lasting only between the third and fourth seasons. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth as a Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed the divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan.

Melissa

Melissa (Kelly Stables) is Alan's former receptionist. She served as his receptionist for most of season 6 and is shown to have a perky demeanor. Before she dated Alan, she had dated Charlie in "The Flavin And The Mavin," which ended disastrously with her driving angrily and fast in a heavy rainstorm on the way to Alan's office and Alan being forced to give her a raise and health insurance. After recovering from her breakdown, Melissa starts to fall for Alan, but he is also introduced to her mother, which complicates things---especially after Melissa catches them in bed together in "David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie."

Since then, Melissa has been working in the hospital where Judith gave birth in "Baseball Was Better with Steroids" to try and forget about him. However, her feelings for Alan return while Judith is giving birth, and they end up making out in the storage closet. In the season 7 premiere "818-jklpuzo," Melissa appears to have moved into the Harper beach house; when Charlie reminds Alan, he is quick to deny it.

In "Whipped Unto The Third Generation," after being forced by Chelsea, Charlie lets Melissa stay. When Alan and Melissa take advantage of Charlie's generosity, Charlie stays the night at a hotel. Alan is quick to join him when Chelsea and Melissa do not obey his commands. Alan and Charlie turn to Evelyn, who reveals that Melissa and Charlie slept together, making Chelsea and Melissa end their friendship, and Melissa moves out, promising never to return to Charlie's house again.

In the episode "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator," Melissa is tired of Alan's cheapness and the fact that he doesn't have his own place. Alan then decides to take a job as Evelyn's assistant to earn some extra money. When showing a particularly nice house, Evelyn informes Alan that the couple that own the place have houses all over the country and probably don't even remember that this one is here. Alan uses this to his favour by inviting Melissa over to the house that night and lies by telling her that he has rented it. As to not leave any trace, Alan (although he doesn't tell her) suggests that they have sex on a beach towel on the living room floor. After, they accidentally spill wine on the carpet and Alan starts a fight since they weren't supposed to be there. They make up, however, but Alan then forces them to flee in their underwear when Evelyn arrives with potential buyers. When they are caught by the cops outside, Melissa quickly runs away, leaving Alan to deal with the cops. It is implied that due to this incident Melissa and Alan are broken up (or as Alan puts it, "You could say I dumped Melissa and decided she never wants to see me again for as long as she lives"). Alan has since gone on other dates, including one with a grossly overweight woman to an L.A. Dodgers game and another that ended with him boring his date and then punching out the rude jerk who was successfully getting her to end the date and go off with him. He seems to desire Charlie's fiance Chelsea.

She came back in Season 8 and continued to get together with Alan even though Alan moved in with Lyndsey. When Alan told her it was over (via text message) she went over to Charlie's house and Charlie told her that Alan was at Lyndsey's, it's unknown what happened to her after that.

Lyndsey McElroy

Lyndsey appears near the end of season seven and the beginning of season eight. She had divorced her husband, Chris McElroy for cheating on her with their son's babysitter Stephanie. She has also appeared in a pornographic movie that Charlie, Herb, and most of her neighbors have seen. She is the mother of Jake's best friend Eldridge, who intensely dislikes her. She meets Alan and eventually starts dating him in secret from their kids. They eventually start getting serious, and the relationship is revealed to their kids. They eventually move in together, but it doesn't last as Alan burns down her house with an old pipe. Lyndsey, Eldridge, Alan, and Jake all move back in with Charlie. Lyndsey runs into her ex-husband Chris, and they get back together. A few episodes later, things weren't working out with her ex-husband, so she got back together with Alan. However Alan is worried Chris may be stalking him. She later appears in Charlie's Post-death season, where she is dating Alan again, but is fighting interest in Walden to keep her relationship going. After Alan sees her porno, she dumps him when he tells her every little thing he did wrong to apologize, such as not telling Charlie that Manny Quinn was a fake and Rose was just making him jealous. In his nightmare in "Frodo's Headshots", Alan dreamed that Walden had starting sleeping with Lyndsey by accident when trying to comfort her; however, in the actual experience, she wasn't around the house.

Trivia

• Alan's middle name is Jerome.
• He shares some qualities with Sheldon Cooper, a character from The Big Bang Theory, another sitcom created by Chuck Lorre.
• Alan is an unplanned child. His mother personally assures him how he's "a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom", in "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress".
  • In the episode 'Warning, It's Dirty', Evelyn reminds Charlie how forty years earlier, he had asked for a little brother for Christmas, which in contrast puts in doubt whether Alan was unplanned or not.
• Despite leading an immensely pathetic life, he is afraid of death.
• In Gorf. Fnark. Schemegle, it is revealed that Alan is turned on by (even if they are a little fat) angry women.
• Walden and his mother both believe Alan is older than 44, and they believe he is 60. (Though he is 42 or 43, depending on how much time has passed since the end of season 8)
• As of Season 9, Alan is the surviving son of Evelyn Harper after Charlie's death
• There is a lack of continuity regarding Alan Harper because in the episode "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received $50,000 a year and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" he says going to a hotel requires money and I have none." It could be that he has already spent all of that money.
• Also in "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received his name on the deeds to the house and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" Zoey snidely tells him "Thank you for letting Walden use his own house for a change." It's possible that she does not know his name is on the deed.
• One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode "Why We Gave Up Women". As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it as even he was having the heart attack.
• His name is an anagram for Anal, which Charlie once used to describe his personality.
• Herb and Walden are the only two characters who consider Alan a friend.
• Only in the first season that he never talk about his cheapness
• He wears tighty-whities
• Alan is the only character on the show to appear in every episode of the series.