Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
February 12, 2015
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
is the 14th episode of
, and the penultimate episode of the series. It aired on February 12, 2015.
After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.
As both couples are getting along together, Walden decides he wants to get divorced from Alan and move on. Walden gives Alan a wish because he was such a good friend in helping him adopt Louis. Alan gets a Ferrari, which makes Lindsey mad, as both she and Walden think Alan should have wished for something that included Lyndsey. Alan decides to propose to Lindsey — especially after Walden offers to buy the engagement ring. Walden in turn offers nothing but support, but then panics that he might truly end up alone if he lets Alan move out. Alan proposes and Lyndsey at first balks, but she happily says yes upon seeing the huge diamond in the ring.
Alan: I'm about to have breakfast with my lover, my ex-lover and ny husband. Dear God. I'm turning into my mother.
Lyndsay: To be fair, she slept with a lot more women.
(Alan and Walden stare)
Alan: Lyndsey Ruth Anne McElroy...
Lyndsey: What are you doing?
Alan: The right thing for once. I've been in a lot of relationships Oh, three of whom are at this table. But none of them even come close to what we have. From the moment I met you, I knew you were too good for me.
Lyndsey: Oh, that's so sweet. And so true.
Alan: Walden asked me to pick anything in the world that I wanted, and I pick you. Ah. Will you marry me?
Lyndsey: That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, but I hope you didn't do anything as silly as waste your wish on ring ... (Alan shows Lyndsey a ring) (Gasps) I'm a princess! I'm a pretty, pretty princess! (yells) Is that a yes? Yes! Ah! (laughs)
Walden: In fact Ms. McMartin, will you?
Lyndsey: I'm so happy. This is really a new beginning.
Alan: It is.
Title Quotation From
Walden, referring to how he gave Alan too much power by selecting anything he wanted.
Two and a Half Men
Pilot • Big Flappy Bastards • Go East On Sunset Until You Reach The Gates Of Hell • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take A Nap • The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Wind Up With A Hump • Did You Check With The Captain Of The Flying Monkeys? • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-ful • Phase One, Complete • Merry Thanksgiving • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor • Camel Filters And Pheromones • Sarah Like Puny Alan • I Can't Afford Hyenas • Round One To The Hot Crazy Chick • That Was Saliva, Alan • Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats • An Old Flame With A New Wick • I Remember The Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You • Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark • No Sniffing, No Wowing • My Doctor Has A Cow Puppet • Just Like Buffalo • Can You Feel My Finger?
Back Off, Mary Poppins • Enjoy Those Garlic Balls • A Bag Full of Jawea • Go Get Mommy's Bra • Bad News from the Clinic • The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance • A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana • Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers • Yes, Monsignor • The Salmon Under My Sweater • Last Chance to See Those Tattoos • A Lungful of Alan • Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair • Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts • Smell the Umbrella Stand • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? • Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! • It Was Mame, Mom • A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise • I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey • A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On • That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab • Does This Smell Funny to You?
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Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud • A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer • A Pudding-Filled Cactus • Hookers, Hookers, Hookers • The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel • Twanging Your Magic Clanger • The Crazy Bitch Gazette • Springtime on a Stick • A Good Time in Central Africa • Ow, Ow, Don't Stop • Dead from the Waist Down • Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead • Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup • Lookin' for Japanese Subs • Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak • That Darn Priest
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I Changed My Mind About the Milk • A Big Bag of Dog • Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt • You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For • That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam • Ferrets, Attack! • Avoid The Chinese Mustard • Something My Gynecologist Said • I Scream When I Pee • One Nut Johnson • Give Santa a Tail-Hole • Welcome to Alancrest • Grab A Feather And Get In Line • Run, Steven Staven! Run! • Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It • Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby • Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries • The 9:04 From Pemberton • Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon • Bazinga! That's From a TV Show • Another Night With Neil Diamond • My Bodacious Vidalia • Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
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