Kate is having a fashion show in New York City. Walden, now fed up with his double-life and feeling that Kate might be "the one", finally decides that he should throw away his "Sam Wilson" alias and confess to her who he really is. Walden decides that he and Alan must go to the show so that "Sam" can tell Kate the truth in person. Alan is relishing the trip, and hoping to convince Walden to take him to a Broadway musical. Despondent over Kate's reaction when Walden confesses his lies, the musical comes to them ("You're a Douche").
Alan, referring to the thin fashion models, after Walden says he feels like throwing up.
Quotes[]
Chuck Lorre: You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. You broke that poor girl's heart. You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. You should've told the truth right from the start. But my intentions were good. I was no slave to my wood. I wanted her to love me for me. He does have lots of riches, which attracts a lot of bitches. Thank you, Alan, but you'll never be on "Glee." Aw, crap. If I may throw in my two cents, your love was based on a pretense. Your relationship with mother is to blame. You didn't suckle on her boobies, you self-medicate with doobies, which explains why you used a made-up name. Cue da refrain. You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. Everything you said was a lie. You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. But you're still a really, really handsome guy. Thank you. Then what am I to do? So I don't always live with you. Wow, that hurts my feelings, but since I live there beneath your ceilings, I'll bite the pillow like the prison bitches do. Oooh! If she gives me one more chance, we can have a real romance. If she doesn't, we can party in my pants. 'Scuse me, no disrespect, but I have to interject, what makes you think you can steal the show? 'Cause I'm gay! Oh, you're so clearly from L.A. Yeah, I'm gay. And he will always be that way. Or as his Jersey friends would say: A-yo, badda bing, he's a big ol' 'mo. 'Scuse me, but we seem to be digressing, and I find it to be quite distressing. Can we sing about the problem that's at hand? Can Kate get over Sam and love who I am? You confuse me for someone who gives a damn. So bottom line, you're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. And I'll die sad and alone. You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. (Ring!) Hold it, everybody, that's my phone. Hello? Kate? You're a douche. (Click!) Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche-y, douche, douche, douche. You couldn't say it meaner. I'm a big vagina cleaner. Didn't do what I oughta. I'm vinegar and water. On this we all agree. Oh yes, we all agree. Oh good, you finally see, to shining sea. Gimme a D-O-U-C-H-E, douche! Gimme a D-O-U-C-H-E, douche! Gimme a D-O-U-C-H-E, douche! Drum roll... You're a douche, you're a douche, just a big, fizzy douche. And that's all I'll ever be. You're a douche, you're a douche, you're a big, fizzy douche. And that's all you'll ever be. Douche!
