Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer is the 9th episode of Season 11. It will air on December 5, 2013.
Walden's date with an accident-prone model goes longer than expected. Meanwhile, Alan dates a woman who shares some surprising personal information with him.
Walden meets an extremely attractive blonde model at a tech convention, but finds her lack of intelligence unappealing and decides he doesn't want to see her again. Unfortunately for him, she falls off the outer deck and ends up in the hospital, and he has to take care of her, a task that becomes more and more daunting because she keeps suffering major self-inflicted injuries (because she's too stupid to realize what she's doing constantly gets her hurt.) When she tries to seduce him despite being badly disfigured, Walden bluntly tells her he does not want to sleep with her or have any further relationship. She then promises to sue him for the injuries she suffered on his property, only to get hit by a bus when leaving his house, and make a phone call to an incredulous Walden; he ends up taking care of her only companion in the city, a pet pig named Frank.
Meanwhile, Alan's wistful evening plan of looking over some of Jake's old items inspires Jenny to take him to a gay bar where there will be horny, drunk straight women by night's end. To Alan's surprise, he meets an attractive woman named Paula Marshall and they end up sleeping together; to his even greater surprise, Paula reveals she spent 40 years as a man named Paul before undergoing gender-reassignment surgery. Alan is shocked but takes the news fairly in stride, even being OK with Paula stepping in at a movie theatre and punching out a jerk who ignored Alan's request to be quiet during the film.
Nadine, describing the ad for a lawyer at the back of a bus.
Paula Marshall as Paula
Kate Miner as Nadine
Craig Gellis as Mike
Jenny: Nice bong! Guess Jake wasn’t part of the war on drugs. Alan: Actually it’s not a bong, it’s a bird feeder. Jake made it in art class. Jenny: I made a whistle in art class! (mimes blowing a conductor's whistle) WEED WEED!
Walden: Any medications? Nadine: Love them.
Jenny: Half the women here are gay. Those are mine. The rest are straight. Some of those are mine too, but whatever is left is going to be drunk and horny by the end of the night, and looking for someone who doesn’t think vaginas are yucky.
Paula: So you’re here with your niece? Alan: Yeah, she just came out of the closet and she’s painfully shy. (Cut to Jenny swigging shots from a blonde girl’s cleavage) Jenny: And that’s what I call breastfeeding.
Jenny: Is her mouth working? Walden: Yeah. Jenny: So what’s the problem? Walden: The problem is that we don’t have any real connection. Jenny: Sounds kinda gay but alright.
Jenny: I gotta say, Alan. You going out with a post op-transgender person without being judgemental is very enlightened. Alan: Thank you! And you should see her boobs. (Alan makes motorboat sounds)
Alan: (to Paula) Don’t apologize. I love you.
Nadine is so stupid, she can't figure out that she's causing her own injuries.